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It’s all in my head

May 11, 2011

Yesterday night, I dressed up, wore my favorite skinny jeans that I had recently purchased in a smaller size than normal, and did my hair and make up. I was feeling pretty snazzy, to say the least. I went out with a group of friends, one of which was a guy I was potentially interested in. Things didn’t go very well. In fact, the guy I was interested in ended up flirting with a friend of mine all night, and being a complete jackass to me!

When I came home, I started evaluating everything about myself. I started analyzing how fat my arms were, the areas of my body that I needed to work on, and whether my make up and hair were still in tact. I began questioning my outfit choice, criticizing the way I could have done better on my diets and workouts, and feeling as though it was because I was still overweight that I was not landing this guy. After all, my friend (who he seemed to be much more attracted to) was probably 50 pounds lighter.

After stressing and assessing my body, I finally realized how mentally unhealthy the whole process was. I was literally directly relating my weight to my success with a boy – a boy who was not even giving me the respect I deserved in the first place. Even worse, I was demeaning all of what I had accomplished, and had been so proud of, as a result.

I’m realizing more than ever that I have a lot of insecurities to overcome along with the weight. No matter where you are with your weight, with your appearance, and with your life, there is no one that has the right to make you feel like less of a person.

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